Happy…watching an exciting football game with your friends, seeing your baby fall asleep in your arms at night, listening to chirping birds early in the morning…day to you. These beats have made me happy. Can you see it?
SECRET PLACE CONT.
HEALING DEEP INSIDE
Dear LifeBeats friends
How are you today? I pray this will be a great day and week for you.
I mentioned my secret place in my reflection last year, March 26, 2018 and thought I would talk more about it. It’s so wonderful, it’s kind of hard to put in words. My, as well as your secret place, can be anywhere you want it to be from a chair in your bedroom, an outside bench, enough space in a closet or sitting on a hill overlooking a valley. It’s wherever you can have a place to talk to God.
During the relationship building time with Jesus; the time of praying, reading His word, the Bible and just talking to Him, I started to feel His presence of love, joy, peace, protection and acceptance. I mention those five words because they had been elusive to me. I knew the feelings of human love. I was married and felt my husband’s and childrens’ love and even though I never heard my Mom tell me she loved me, I knew she did; but, there was still a large, aching vacancy within my soul. I share the following with the hope it may help you or others who have had similar experiences.
In my childhood, peace was a prized possession. My Dad, being an alcoholic, brought the negative, fearful world of deprivation, lack and violence. As with most adult children of alcoholics (ACOA’s), I felt fearful, never peaceful or protected; not knowing and dreading what would happen that night… or any night.
Most of us would tell you how hard it is to trust others since we couldn’t trust or believe our parents would ‘be there’ for us, or even tell the truth. We kept hoping our care givers would change and even begged them; in hopes, if they did change, we could finally feel normal. But, in my case, they didn’t until disease and finally, death set in. So many wasted years for all of us.
But then again, as I think about it, the ACOA probably won’t tell you anything about themselves or their lives anyway, since there seems to be a ‘silence code’ of shame we adopted in order to exist with others. If the ‘good people’ knew what took place behind my closed doors, they surely wouldn’t want their children to be around me. I always felt like a child looking through the candy store window wanting so much to be a part of their lives with all its treasures, but not allowed to eat.
Everyone else seemed to be so happy and cared for; but, some of them aching deeply in their hearts, may have been playing the ‘silence code’ game… with smiles on their faces. I became good at the plastered smile and even thought everything was ok with me until the memories of my past arose unexpected and I had to deal with them.
Unfortunately, we don’t realize how our early years can affect our marriages, interactions with other people, child raising, employment, health and happiness. We bring our injured life into our new relationship with the Lord, not knowing how traumatized we really still are. It was hard for me to trust that He really would do what He said in His Word; that He loved me and would take care of me. But, He gently healed my heart, proved Himself over and over again and I began to slowly trust Him.
In the beginning, I was a spiritual orphan. I knew I had accepted Him as Savior and Lord but yet, still didn’t have peace. I grew to be His daughter, to abandon myself to love and trust Him with my life. I very… s – l – o – w – l – y… started to share my story and gradually began escaping the shame. It’s still hard to be transparent but, my resolve to help others still bound by their past, letting them know the love and delivering power of Jesus, propels me. Even though it has been years, the little girl within sometimes wants to hide with thoughts, What will ‘they’ think of me? I remind her, You dont have to be afraid anymore. I believe there are many of us with similar thoughts.
This message is not just for ACOA’s but for those who grew up in dysfunctional families that maybe never drank, or were violent; but, were bound in other ways. We all may have a part deep within us that experienced damage or pain emotionally, even physically leaving us feeling frightened, ashamed, lonely, angry or depressed. We might have been judged, criticized, abandoned, demeaned, ignored, as well as emotionally or physically abused. Our thoughts may be, Can anyone truly love me? The bottom line is, do we feel love, joy, peace, protection and acceptance? If not, we are all candidates.
I have received much healing from Jesus of the memories of those fearful days. When Jesus came into my heart, He began filling those vacancies. I felt the longed for feelings of those five illusive words… love, joy, peace, protection and acceptance. Each healing was a miracle for me, so I’ll take time to share them in other writings as well as a letter I wrote to Him in gratitude.
My secret place is a prized possession as it will be for you when you enter yours.
You can pray something like this,“Father, in Jesus name, I want to have a secret place with You. I want to fellowship with You and learn to love You more. Please direct me on my path of life. I’ve been trying to do life alone and haven’t done a very good job of it. Thank You for being my Lord.”
You have now begun. Jesus has heard and has been waiting. Don’t worry, His blessings are for everyone. He loves us all the same. The ‘good people’ aren’t His favorites. We are all His favorites.
you or someone you know, has had similar experiences and want to talk to someone, they can contact Dawne at 1-833-644-3600. She is a compassionate and effective professional with years of experience helping families, individuals and children. For more information click CONTACT option at top of page.
©TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHY, NEW VENTURE ARTS
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